Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
