I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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