why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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