There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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