I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
