she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
