Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
