my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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