remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
