He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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