I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
someone owes me an orgasm
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
