the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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