i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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