Your tits are I can't wait for
home. puking in laundry basket.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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