he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
