I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
