I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
