There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
