well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
