Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
