I wanna passion pit in your ass
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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