I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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