Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
