There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
