You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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