R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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