she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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