did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
