Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
