I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
