is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
