i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As shirtless as possible
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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