Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
