Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
