It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
