i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
