Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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