I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
