For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
