my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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