How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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