Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
