so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
