He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
