K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
