LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
