Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
