Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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