I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
