I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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