I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
