Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
