thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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