he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
